???

hey there
as i sit in my room watching comedy central and Louis sleeping next to me, i feel such an urge to get back into my hobbies that brought me joy. its been almost a year since ive posted a new video on youtube. i cant begin to tell you how many times ive caught myself thinking about posting a new video.

these last 9 months i have constantly been doing something stressful. if it wasnt some huge project at school it was closing shifts at work. if it wasnt work then it was just trying to breathe and spending time with family, friends and my wonderful bf. i never had more than one day off from my hectic schedule. when i would have a day off i would sleep till 3pm because i was constantly exhausted. i gained weight, always looked tired, never wore makeup and wore sweats out side of work.

all this has changed! i quit work and finished the semester at school. these last 2 weeks have been such bliss. i cant begin to tell you how happy my heart and mind is. it feels like i am 17 all over again. ive been getting back in making cards, putting on makeup and wearing clothes that arent yoga pants and some random tshirt. lol.

this all hit me a week ago when i was having tea time with a good friend of mine (yes, im newly obsessed with tea and have tea time OFTEN haha). we were just sitting at her table, talking, laughing, making the most random jokes and thats when i laughed my REAL laugh. the one that sounds completely different from your everyday laugh. the one that starts in the bottom of your belly and just feels really good. that very moment i felt like my old self. i was finally happy after being suppressed for so long.

ever since then, ive been much happier in general. im losing weight and im constantly cleaning out my room. when i was busy i didnt realize how cluttered my room was. i cant begin to tell you how much scrapbooking items i threw out last night. it feels good looking at my room nice and organized again. soon my dad will tear my room apart to remodel it so im enjoying my last moments in here.

sorry this post is so long.. i just wanted to let you guys know exactly where ive been. i plan on getting back into making videos but my computer is crap. i want to buy a new macbook but its hard when youre unemployed lol. ill figure things out, i always do.

i have a favor, if you guys have inspirational makeup pictures please message them to me here or youtube. i want to really get back into the swing of things. ok guys, enough of my gibberish... i will see you soon! :)

love
vanes